Whole Self

Photography by : Taja Mitchem (@tajajanel @prasadastudio)

“I’m ‘bout being my whole self.

All day. Every day.

My beautiful, brown, sensitive, smart, artistic, articulate self.

All of that and more.

Every. Single Day.

Ya feel me?”

Making space for my whole self has been a conscious effort for me. There comes a point where we have to hold ourselves accountable for the relationships that we attract. The conditions of our external relationships are easily a reflection of our relationships with ourselves. It’s taken years of personal reflection for me to learn how to convert my experiences into important life lessons. I’ve had to fall out of patterns of victimizing myself and release the pressure that came with knowing that my relationships are my responsibility. I’ve had to do the work to make myself the most desirable companion for myself.

I knew how far I’d grown when my relationships became less of a job for me. They weren’t about holding back or prioritizing other people’s needs, but about allowing things to be and prioritizing myself and what I require in order to feel fulfilled. Gradually, people started falling off, deciding I was too much (or not enough) for them…but I stopped taking offense. We all need what we need, and I know now that I’m not for everyone. The more honest and transparent I am with myself, the happier I feel and the more I attract those that are on that same level. I can refer back to words I’d written in my journal years ago, carefully describing the ways I wanted to be loved and the kind of relationships I wanted to cultivate. Over time, I’ve seen these requests come to life and I know that it is all a reflection of me. That is something to be proud of.

When I see my friends, I see their beauty. I’m their biggest fan and cheerleader; their wide open arms whenever they need to be held. The most awesome thing about this is that they are just the same for me. It feels good to give and receive unconditional love. I have yet to match this romantically, but I feel that I will very soon. I am truly fulfilled with myself and my friendships. That is something I can confidently say now, because this whole mission of intention started with me. 

*A couple of my beautiful friends hosted a dinner party for several of our beautiful friends and it was such a refreshing space to share. Here are some beautiful photos of said beautiful friends…

I'm Still Here

Suit: Zara, Makeup: Artistry By Camille, Photography: Scott Simon (iHeartNola)

I’m still here

Despite how they want to regulate my body
Despite how they feel about my skin
I’m still here, even though they don’t want me to be
I’m still here, even though they can’t see me
I’m still here

Aside from the attempts to erase me
Aside from how that benefits you
I’m still here, even though I’m exhausted
I’m still here, even though I’m crying
I’m still here...

[Sometimes] I Speak

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Creative Director/Set Design: Amarachi Ukachu, Photographer: DeVonte Williford (@raresightingphotography)

I’d gotten so used to being silenced, that I sometimes silence myself. I’d gotten so used to silencing myself, that sometimes I forget to speak up when I’m violated.

“What will they think of me?”
“How will they receive this?”
“Will I be seen as the difficult, angry black woman AGAIN?”

Conditioned thoughts I have to mute so that I can build up enough courage to say “I’M NOT OKAY WITH THIS.”

Sometimes I forget the sound of my own voice. Some words have to be sucked through my teeth. Sometimes I forget how powerful my words can be...

I’ve gotten so used to blocking myself, that sometimes I allow others to block me. Someone once told me “If you speak, they will listen.” They will listen...THEY WILL LISTEN...SPEAK.

Don’t let them silence you. Don’t let you silence yourself.

Growing & Glowing

Turtleneck & Skirt: Forever 21, Boots: J. Crew, Photography by: Jeremy St. Romain (Ig: @popejpaul )

“…Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

To start is to be done.

I am who I’ve become.

Another cycle around the sun.

Again, I have begun…

Seed to root,

Flesh of fruit,

My rind shields lies

and seeming untruths.

Body sacred,

Thoughts naked,

Controlled exposure,

Full disclosure.

Energy matched,

Emotions latched,

Relationships discerned,

Attention earned.

Beam light from within…

To end is to begin,

To lose is to win,

To be is to have already been.

Old patterns corrected,

Courage tested,

Opportunities manifested,

Future invested,

Spirit rested,

Home nested.

Glowing and growing.

Doing and pursuing.

Living the life that’s best for ME.

Becoming who I was meant to be.

To start is to be done.

I am who I’ve become

Another cycle around the sun

Again, I have begun…

- C. M. Hamilton