Personal Revolution

Photography by Brandon Joseph

“I need I need a revolution

My own revolution

My very own revolution

I need, I need a revolution

My own revolution

My personal revolution

Heartbreak is so hard to take

And I lay down in the bed that I make

Crying, crying, tears of change

Fighting, fighting, everyday

There must be a better way”

 - Ziggy Marley, Personal Revolution

There are sides of myself that I still don’t know.

There are sides of myself that still need to grow. 

The only constant is the inconsistency of my evolution. 

I’m learning the discomfort I have, plays a role in the story of my personal revolution

Isolation has been my comfort zone.

Alone is where I feel at home

This means getting through the pain that I carry.

Also means having to face some fears that I have buried. 

Alone I am my own lover, friend, and worst enemy.

My mind often juggles between the three. 

I can only trust, feel, or heal what’s inside of myself.

This is as much as I can balance, for the sake my health. 

My heart has fought through many wars

And repaired itself from many sores.

My soul was born before my first breath

I hope it will continue to live beyond my timely death.

My eyes have seen the pain and the glory

My words will be left to tell my story.

Transcribing these words from the depths of my feelings

Has been my saving grace throughout the process of my healing.

Addressing the issue, leads me closer towards the solution.

Self-restoration is leading me closer towards my personal revolution. 

-C. M. Hamilton

Love Me More

Jumpsuit: Madewell, Earrings: Thrifted, Photography by Sharita A. Sims 

   Thus far in my adult life, I've spent a lot of time searching for love outside of myself. While channeling most of my energy into nurturing and fostering relationships with others, I've subconsciously put myself through toxic situations. I've been in, what I’ve believed to be love, twice and both times I was completely consumed and later crushed by it. I’d put all that I could give into relationship, after relationship; bending over backwards, spreading myself thin, making exceptions, excuses, giving my heart, soul, and body to be left feeling empty inside, 75% of the time. I didn't grow up seeing much displays or exchanges of affection in my home environment, yet I knew...I still know that my family loves me. As natural and comforting as affection comes to me, I thought it was a measurement of love and felt it was the way I needed to be loved by others.

    Throughout my life, I’d been under the impression that love was something you "fall into" or instantly know, feel (a spark if you will), and exchange with another; for your life to then be completely validated and spent finding new ways to share it. I knew love to be something that could be shared, though until recently I had not learned how crucial it was for me to first love myself. Spending most of life so caught up in other people's lives, I seemed to have lost perspective of self. I only saw my significance as measured by the way others would treat me...or rather, the way I allowed them to treat me.

   In the most recent years, I've discovered the value in giving myself the kind of love that I wish to receive. What that looks like for me, varies from day-to-day. I'm still learning. When I think about what makes me happy, I now also think about ways to achieve that happiness. For instance, the color yellow (or more specifically, goldenrod yellow) has been my favorite color since childhood. It brings a smile to my face whenever I see it. I make it a point to keep goldenrod yellow around me at all times, whether it be the screensaver on my phone or buying myself yellow flowers. I find that I'm happiest near water. Another act of self-love is spending as much free time as I allow myself near bodies of water; whether it be sitting near a a lake, sticking my feet in the ocean, swimming in a pool, or submerging myself in warm bathwater. These are things that mean love, to me.

On Purpose

Photography by Sharita A Sims

What is our purpose in this life?
Is it offered to us from an outside source?
Or is it discovered from within?
Are our purposes inherited?

I'd like to think that my purpose is something I was born with.
That as a child I had gifts wrapped inside of me that I would spend the rest of my life opening.
I'd like to think my ancestors knew who I was going to be, before I ever took my first breath.
And that since I've been here [in physical form], they've been guiding me [in spirit] through to the discovery of my true purpose.

I don't try to be deep or profound in my words.
I only speak as my heart tells me to.
I only do as I'm spiritually guided to do.
I've found that if there's something that I naturally feel or crosses my mind, it is something that I need to look further into.
If there's something that happens to or around me, I believe it is divinely timed and whatever I've done leading up to that moment has prepared me to face it.

I believe once we start to live in our truth, we start gradually discovering our purpose.
I also believe our purpose is not limited to one or two or three or a million things.
I believe our purpose is an infinite number of positions, characteristics, stages, opportunities, gifts, expressions, etc. that have already been planted inside of us.

This is just my theory...
What do you believe?

A Very Vivid Dream

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that involved a beautiful gigantic speckled black & white butterfly gracefully soaring over me. Naturally, I was mesmerized. As I moved to take a closer look, the butterfly then suddenly transformed into a gigantic owl. This gigantic owl then proceeded to charge toward & attacked me...After waking up like  I thought about what it could possibly mean. 

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From the little knowledge that I have on butterflies, I know that in dreams they can symbolize transformation. Also, that the larger the butterfly, "the greater impression I will make in a social situation." 

As for the owl...the research I've found so far states that the owl [in the context of my dream] can symbolize someone in my life that has taken keen observation of me or is keeping secrets from me. "In Owl dreams, an Owl suddenly bolting into flight symbolizes that Owls, and people, can be reckless in their pursuit of something." 

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This dream could mean a number of things. As I'm still translating, I'm starting to be more mindful of the company that I keep. Your personal environment is a reflection of what you're putting out or allowing into your life. There may be people around that are not serving you in the healthiest way. Sometimes we need to carefully curate our spaces so that we can give ourselves the breathing room we need to grow and be our best selves. Moving forward, the only kind of relationships that I'm allowing are restorative relationships. I want to feel strengthened and supported by the company that I keep, as I intend to offer the same to them.

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If there's anyone that is more experienced in interpreting dreams, please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear other perspectives on this.